From Foster Care Trauma to National Reform: The Power of Sibling Bonds
Welcome to Rise Urban Nation, hosted by Taryell Simmons, where we celebrate the inspiring stories of Black and Pan-African changemakers. In this powerful episode, we sit down with Constance English, known by her pen name Serenity Sage, to discuss her incredible journey of turning childhood trauma into a national movement. Together, they explore the deep flaws of the foster care system and her mission to reform sibling visitation and family preservation nationwide.
Constance shares her experience growing up in Bakersfield, California, and how she felt safe in her community despite the surrounding crack epidemic and violence.
The heartbreaking moment when Constance and her sisters were abandoned by their mother at a homeless shelter in Oklahoma, marking the start of her foster care journey.
How the foster care system strips away children's identities, replacing emotional connection with superficial, materialistic items.
Constance's decision to become a social worker and Director of Operations to understand the system's flaws from the inside before realizing that real change requires legislative reform.
The creation of the Unyes Movement, an acronym representing her sisters: United, Nation, Yield, Empowered, and Sovereignty.
Systemic Identity Stripping: How the foster care system labels children and separates them from their siblings, destroying their sense of self and security.
Parentification Challenges: The heavy emotional and psychological burden placed on older children who must raise their younger siblings within unstable environments.
The Unyes Movement: A comprehensive advocacy effort and book designed to provide reflective tools for youth, social workers, judges, and families to reform foster care.
Earn My Yes: A specialized behavior program that teaches youth independence, self-reflection, and the concept of reciprocity instead of system dependency.
Siblings United Visitations: A national nonprofit creating positive, trauma free sibling visits in natural, fun settings rather than cold government offices.
Prioritize Sibling Connections: Sibling relationships are vital for a child's mental health and grounding; separating them causes long term trauma that must be prevented.
Teach Reciprocity and Independence: Shift from creating dependency in youth to teaching them how to earn, self-reflect, and master life skills.
Encourage Self-Reflection: All stakeholders in the child welfare system, including social workers, judges, and foster parents, must regularly reflect on their roles and personal well-being.
Support Grassroots Solutions: Real reform comes from those with lived experience, and their voices must be represented at the decision making tables.
Constance English, also known as Serenity Sage, is a therapist, former social worker, and the Director of Operations for social services. She is the founder of Siblings United Visitations and the Unyes Movement, dedicating her life to systemic reform in foster care. You can connect with her on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/SerenitySage82 or visit her website at https://unyes.org.
Taryell Simmons:Welcome back to Rise Urban Nation, where we celebrate the stories of Black and Pan-African changemakers who are uniting, uplifting, and igniting transformation in our communities. Today's guest is starting a bold movement, the Unyes Movement. She has written a dissertation on it, is writing a book, and producing an app. This is Constance English, known by her pen name, Serenity Sage, the founder of Siblings United Visitations, a national nonprofit fighting for sibling connection, family preservation, and identity reclamation in foster care. She lives by a single belief: no child should heal alone. Constance, welcome to Rise Urban Nation. How are you doing this morning?
Constance English:Doing very well, Taryell. Thank you for introducing me in such an uplifting and bold way. I know that God is shining down on us.
Taryell Simmons:God has got us here. Before we dive into all your incredible work, take us back to where this journey began. What was your experience growing up in the foster care system, and how did it shape your identity?
Constance English:I always tell people before it was this, it was this. My first part would be growing up in a regular family home that I deemed was normal. I grew up in Bakersfield, California, during the 1980s and 1990s crack epidemic. I grew up in a very big family where we were loved and cared for. It was normal to see shootings, but I felt safe within my family and community because that was my normalcy. I was not unsafe until I left with my mom. She was chasing men and dreams, which caught her up in drug addiction. Sometimes we feel that people need saving, but that does not mean they need saving just because it is not your identity of what you consider safe.
Constance English:After years of taking care of my sisters and being parentified, I ended up in the foster care system in Oklahoma. My mom gave us up at a homeless shelter and never came back. That is where I realized how broken the child welfare system is. They do the bare minimum of preventative measures to stop families from getting that far. My mom had already lost my little sister in Bakersfield, which made us flee to Oklahoma. I think of all the different ways that child welfare could have prevented this and helped, but they did not.
Taryell Simmons:I can only imagine how traumatizing that was for your little sister and the family, having to split up and start life anew without essential people who give you hope and grounding. You managed to turn that pain into the Unyes Movement. When did you first recognize your story could become a movement?
Constance English:I feel like it is all God. Knowing what people deem as normal and being traumatized by what other people consider normalcy, and having people constantly take away your identity, kills you inside. You start to diminish and become confused about who you are supposed to be. The foster care system rips you from whatever you feel is normal or safe, and tries to replace actual connection with materialistic items. When you turn 18, they kick you out without teaching you skills to break the cycle. The environment goes from love and comfort to something cold and robotic. They separate you from your siblings, promising to get you back together, but that promise is rarely fulfilled. You lose your identity along the way. I believe the system raises us, displaces us, and then we become the way we are. The term 'foster kid' becomes an identity that strips away who you actually are. That is why the Unyes Movement needed to be created. It came from a deep place of being displaced. We need to educate each other instead of pointing fingers. Our foster care community is not thriving because we keep creating regurgitated services that do not work.
Constance English:When I got out of foster care, I wanted to know why social workers were so jacked up, so I went to become a social worker. I am a learner and a factual person. While earning my Associate degree, I got a job at a residential treatment center and quickly moved into management. I then earned my Bachelor's in Social Work. I saw that some social workers are great, while others are unskilled and thrown into the fire without proper training. They have too many cases and do not get paid enough. I worked in every position for three to six months to learn how Child Welfare Services works. My last job was Director of Operations for social services. I realized that no matter how high I got, I could not make change because it is a legislation issue. I had to figure out different ways to do it.
Constance English:I had written my book in 2012, but I did not feel comfortable publishing it until I reframed it to focus on healing. My book is called Unyes, which stands for United, Nation, Yield, Empowered, and Sovereignty. These represent the names of my five sisters and the roles they play. The book is designed to help us un-yes this journey together. After every chapter, there are eight reflective questions tailored for different roles, including the foster kid, the judge, the Court Appointed Special Advocate, the social worker, teachers, extended family members, and the parents. It also provides resources and teaches people how to join the Unyes Movement. Sibling bonds are crucial, and we do not talk enough about how to help the parentified child thrive.
Taryell Simmons:I love that. You have analyzed the system from its top level to its roots, using what is similar to a groundwater approach. This approach helps us analyze the systemic and structural issues rather than just blaming the individuals. The Unyes Movement seems designed to root out these systemic problems. What does the movement do?
Constance English:The Unyes Movement is about un-yesing foster care. I want to sit on every board that makes decisions about our community to tell them which services actually benefit us. I developed tools that are working. First, I created the Earn My Yes program, which is a behavior program for kids. Instead of giving consequences, I teach them how to earn. The system often creates a dependency or 'give me' syndrome by handing out items without establishing reciprocity. In my program, kids earn tokens for completing daily tasks, self-reflection, or eating non-preferred meals. They can use these tokens to watch TV, go outside, or buy items they want. If they want to learn a skill, like cleaning, they can request to be taught, which earns them tokens. It hypes up self-development and independence.
Constance English:I also created a twenty week workbook that pairs survival mode with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. It helps youth identify their survival mode and provides tools to transition out of it. Another tool is 'What's New, Blue, and True,' which is a simple therapy technique for kids resistant to traditional therapy. It builds a natural relationship by asking what is new, finding something blue in the room, and then discussing what is true about their situation. I also teach kids about relationships using the acronym C.R.A.P., which stands for Communication, Respect, Accountability, and Participation. Every form of relationship or 'ship' requires these elements. If a relationship is not working, you need to park the ship, communicate, and decide whether to abandon it.
Constance English:My nonprofit, Siblings United Visitations, provides a space for siblings to have meaningful visits. Instead of meeting in cold county buildings, we partner with businesses to host visits at fun places like trampoline parks, arcades, or painting studios at no cost. We are also working on a transportation service to ensure kids do not miss visits, and an advocacy curriculum and app to streamline communication between youth, social workers, and judges. I want to reform the system so that siblings are never separated. There is no justifiable reason to separate children from their siblings. We have too many task doers in child welfare when we need mission seekers who care about our well-being.
Taryell Simmons:Your story is a testament to faith, resilience, and the power of family. You have turned trauma into transformation. Where can people learn more about you, the book, and connect with the Unyes Movement?
Constance English:You can visit unyes.org, which is connected to the Unyes Movement and my book. You can also find me on social media at SerenitySage82 on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, or email me at [email protected]. My phone number is 725-256-4737 if you want to get involved or donate. This is a national movement, and I am here to help our brothers and sisters heal.
Taryell Simmons:If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who needs to hear it. Follow Serenity Sage, and subscribe to Rise Urban Nation. Until next time, stay rising, stay rooted, and stay connected to your purpose. Peace.
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