Author and open adoption coach Ayo Haynes shares her path to motherhood in her 40s after exhausting fertility treatments. She and Taryell Simmons discuss navigating adoption as a single Black woman, being matched in four months instead of eighteen, building a bond with her daughter's birth family, and the role of an adoption doula.
Welcome to this inspiring episode of Rise Urban Nation, hosted by Taryell Simmons. In this episode, we sit down with Ayo Haynes, an accomplished author, real estate broker, and open adoption coach who shares her journey to motherhood in her 40s. Join us as we explore how she navigated fertility challenges, overcame systemic obstacles as a single Black woman, and pioneered a coaching model to guide other prospective parents.
Ayo explaining the Nigerian origin of her name, meaning joy, which guides her life purpose and coaching mission.
The critical realization that motherhood was a life non-negotiable after enduring exhausting fertility treatments.
Overcoming an eighteen-month projected wait time to be matched with a newborn in just four months.
Meeting her daughter's birth family in the delivery waiting room and forming a lifelong bond built on trust and respect.
Defining the role of an adoption doula to provide essential advocacy and emotional guidance throughout the adoption process.
Pivoting from Infertility: Moving past the physical, emotional, and financial burdens of fertility treatments toward adoption as an empowered choice.
Single Motherhood Realities: Overcoming systemic biases and navigating rigorous agency requirements as an independent adoptive parent.
Adoption Doula Advocacy: Equipping prospective mothers with personalized support, clarity of non-negotiables, and agency navigation tools.
Embracing Open Adoption: Eliminating secrecy and shame by fostering transparent, ongoing connections between adoptive families and birth parents.
Strengthening Community Support: Providing birth mothers with compassionate alternatives that keep families connected and help children thrive.
Establish your non-negotiables early when pursuing parenthood and remain receptive to alternative paths.
Take active control of the adoption journey by organizing documents and establishing direct, authentic relationships.
Normalize open adoption discussions from childhood to remove stigma and foster emotional security.
Partner with an experienced mentor or coach to navigate agency pressures and complex procedures.
Ayo Haynes is an open adoption coach, best-selling author, real estate broker, actor, and voiceover artist dedicated to helping women achieve their dreams of motherhood. Through her platform, Open Adoption Success, she provides actionable roadmaps and mentorship tailored for single women. Learn more about her programs and access her free training at https://openadoptionsuccess.com.
Taryell Simmons: Welcome to another episode of Rise Urban Nation, the podcast where we bring you stories of triumph, innovation, and growth. I am your host, Taryell Simmons. Today we have a true Renaissance woman: open adoption coach, best-selling author, real estate broker, actor, voiceover artist, and mother. Her story of turning personal challenges into a beacon of hope will resonate with everyone. Joining us is Ayo Haynes. Welcome, how are you today?
Ayo Haynes: Thank you so much. I am wonderful and excited to be here chatting with you. Thank you for the warm opening.
Taryell Simmons: How did you get your Nigerian name?
Ayo Haynes: I thought I got my name from my dad because he was a musician who traveled the world and loved Africa, but I found out in my thirties that I got it from my mother. Ayo in Nigerian means joy. It is a wonderful name to aspire to daily, a mark on my life as to who I should try to be.
Taryell Simmons: Many career-focused women delay motherhood and encounter fertility challenges. Did you find more women needing your services when you began this journey?
Ayo Haynes: In my twenties, I thought there was plenty of time, and in my thirties, I was building a successful real estate career. Before I knew it, I was in my forties dealing with declining fertility. I asked myself if I could live without a child, and I realized being a mother was my life non-negotiable. I went through costly fertility treatments, including IUI and IVF. Eventually, I felt God telling me that while I was meant to be a mother, this was not the intended route. As a self-employed professional, I chose adoption.
Taryell Simmons: What were the hurdles of navigating adoption as a single Black woman?
Ayo Haynes: I was told that as a single woman I would have to wait over a year and a half because couples are typically favored, and being a Black woman added another layer. Society often treats adoption as a last resort, but I want to change that narrative so women pursue it proactively. Adoption involves home studies, financial scrutiny, background checks, and extensive waiting. It requires perseverance and emotional strength.
Taryell Simmons: How does your coaching connect with maternal advocacy and doula support?
Ayo Haynes: Early in my acting career, I portrayed standardized patients at Mount Sinai Hospital, which exposed how Black patients are often disbelieved in healthcare settings. Just as doulas protect and empower pregnant women, as an adoption coach I act as an adoption doula. I prepare prospective mothers emotionally, physically, and spiritually, ensuring they stay true to their desires and do not feel pressured by agencies or social workers.
Taryell Simmons: What strategies made your adoption journey successful in just four months?
Ayo Haynes: I did extensive research and became my own advocate. On the day my daughter was born, I connected directly with her birth grandmother in the hospital waiting room. Removing intermediary friction and having open, heart-to-heart conversations built mutual love and respect. In my profile, I promised that the birth mother would always know her child and remain part of our lives. My paperwork was matched in four months because I stayed authentic and trusted God's timing.
Ayo Haynes: Single women considering adoption should assess their lifestyle, finances, and support system. I advocate for total openness: my daughter has always known she is adopted because secrets create shame, whereas our journey was built on love. Open adoption also gives birth mothers a reassuring option where they can watch their children thrive in loving homes.
Taryell Simmons: Where can listeners connect with you?
Ayo Haynes: They can visit https://openadoptionsuccess.com to access my free course, The Single Woman's Blueprint for Adoption, or schedule a conversation.
Taryell Simmons: Thank you, Ayo Haynes, for sharing your incredible story. Be sure to subscribe and share this episode. Until next time, keep rising.
Ayo Haynes: See you later.
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