Agatha Peters

Introduction and Welcome

Taryell Simmons: Welcome to another episode of Rise Urban Nation where we uplift and unite stories, purpose, perseverance, and power across the Black and Pan-African diaspora. I'm your host, Simmons. Today we're diving into a conversation about healing, authenticity, and rewriting the scripts that life hands us. Have you ever felt trapped by a story that wasn't your own, one shaped by expectations, trauma, or cultural silence? My guest today knows that story all too well. Joining me today is Agatha Peters, a licensed therapist, speaker, and the author of Trapped in Their Script, who talks about her journey growing up in Nigeria. Agatha witnessed a culture where trauma was often seen as just a part of life. Today, she's helping us unlearn those patterns and find peace, purpose, and freedom through therapy and self-awareness. Agatha, welcome to Rise Urban Nations. Good to have you here.

Agatha Peters: Thank you. Thanks for having me. This is great.

Taryell Simmons: When I was reading your bio, I thought, the old-school Nigerians are not going to be ready for this conversation. The younger generation, yes, but the old school might have a battle with this one. But we will work it out. Before we get into your book and the incredible work you're doing, please take us back. What first inspired your journey into therapy and healing work? I don't think I see many Nigerians doing this type of work.

Inspiration and Healing Journey

Agatha Peters: I have been through trauma myself, both back home and when I came to the US. One of my first jobs was working as a foster parent, and I did a lot of mental health work before my undergrad. I realized that change can happen. I also sat on the couch as a client and had a therapist, which saved me in many ways. That is why I decided to pay it forward and keep doing it.

Taryell Simmons: Thank you for sharing that. What personal or cultural experiences shaped your understanding of trauma and healing growing up in Nigeria? I grew up in a very Nigerian household with an American mom and a Nigerian dad. I thought the Nigerian way of growing up was normal until I went to college and learned about other households. I had to unpack and unlearn that so I don't create that same trauma for my kids. What was your journey?

Agatha Peters: It is the same. I thought it was normal and that is how everyone grew up. The parenting style was authoritarian, very strict and rigid. You do as you are told. You must become a doctor or an engineer. Everything is enforced with no questions asked. There was severe physical punishment, using wires or burning.

Taryell Simmons: Yes, the belt, the stick, the shoe, and corporal punishments like standing with hands out, one leg up, and a book against the wall for hours. I got strong calves from it, but it was intense.

Agatha Peters: Yes, all of that. As kids get older, the relationship with parents can sometimes become more authoritative, flexible, and open, turning into a friendship. But those who are trapped in the script of a narcissist face continuous enforcement, shaming, and comparison, even if they succeed. This continues throughout life and is passed onto grandkids.

Taryell Simmons: It is a culture that influences you to be the best. If you get an A, they ask why you did not get an A-plus. That stereotype has even entered US-Nigerian culture, creating pressure, shame, and guilt if we are not the best.

Agatha Peters: Right, because not everyone can be the best. Your best might look different depending on your life experiences. It is a lot of pressure, leading to perfectionism, which is also relatable in many Asian countries where things are very rigid.

Understanding Narcissism and Cultural Dynamics

Taryell Simmons: In the authoritative parenting style, kids are to be seen and not heard. Is narcissism a form of mental health crisis? How should we look at this?

Agatha Peters: There is a lot of narcissism in cultures because we only honor and respect people in hierarchical roles. People do whatever it takes to get to the top, even if it means hurting neighbors. Narcissism is a personality disorder that falls under Cluster B. The primary feature is a lack of empathy. Some parents might punish kids and then apologize and bring comfort, because physical punishment was the only tool they knew. In the US, we have boundaries and tools like time-outs, but those are nonexistent or uninformed in other cultures, leading to the phrase, "spare the rod, spoil the child."

Taryell Simmons: That is common in Black and immigrant cultures. In immigrant cultures, you are expected to be a doctor, lawyer, or engineer. If you tell your parents you want to be a therapist, they might dismiss it. Was there a turning point that made you realize this was your calling?

Agatha Peters: People in my culture definitely did not understand. My husband of almost twenty years, who is an engineer, did not understand at first when we were young. His family was also confused. I started out studying social work because I wanted to understand mental health, social economics, development, and environment. I then got my master's because I wanted to be a therapist and sit in that space with people to see long-term change.

Overcoming Rejection and Rewriting the Script

Taryell Simmons: I can imagine how challenging that was without full support. Every healer has to confront their own wounds. What challenges did you face on your path?

Agatha Peters: Growing up, I constantly heard that I was a failure and could not succeed. If you hear that enough, you start to believe it. For me, I like to prove people wrong. That drove me to write a book and open a group practice, though I still struggle internally with reminding myself that I am enough. Therapy is a continuous process.

Taryell Simmons: We are all works in progress. You can heal from something in your thirties, and then have to go back and heal your younger self. It is cyclical.

Agatha Peters: Exactly. I compare it to physical therapy. If you are in a car accident, you do the work to heal, but sometimes you get triggered and have to revisit that injury. Life throws curveballs.

Taryell Simmons: What was the most difficult script you had to rewrite for yourself?

Agatha Peters: For me, it was dealing with gaslighting, which is common in narcissistic abuse. You constantly question your reality and do not know what is real. As a therapist, it is hard when your job is to help people but you cannot fix the thing that impacts your life. You have to realize you cannot help the narcissist; you can only help yourself. Having supportive people in my life helped me reaffirm my reality.

Strategies for Reclaiming Your Story

Taryell Simmons: It takes strength to challenge those generational narratives. Reclaiming your story is about courage and community. In your book, Trapped in Their Script, you write about taking the pen back. What strategies do you use with clients?

Agatha Peters: First, journaling is incredibly helpful, especially for dealing with gaslighting. Writing down daily conversations helps you establish your own truth and reality, which is crucial when dealing with a narcissist. It gives you that breakthrough moment of clarity.

Taryell Simmons: How do you blend cognitive behavioral approaches with cultural awareness in your practice?

Agatha Peters: Understanding the immigrant and cultural experience is key. I work with clients from many backgrounds, including Nigerian, Black, Hispanic, and Asian. We must integrate coping mechanisms like spirituality, prayer, and community into therapy rather than taking them away. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy then helps navigate thoughts and emotions, addressing the internal voice that may have started with parents telling you that you are a failure.

Mental Health in Black and African Communities

Taryell Simmons: What have you learned about the healing process within Black and African communities?

Agatha Peters: There is a lot of denial. Many Black men struggle with this because they are taught to be strong and not show vulnerability. But holding in that anger leads to explosive outcomes. Denial is a coping mechanism that works until it doesn't. We need to create safe spaces for vulnerability so we can stop passing these cycles down to our children.

Taryell Simmons: What advice would you give to someone who wants to start therapy but feels ashamed or afraid?

Agatha Peters: Think of it as just talking to a friend. Start small. You do not have to make a lifelong commitment, and you can change therapists if they are not a good fit. We can support open conversations by checking on our friends, being vulnerable, and spreading love.

Taryell Simmons: Thank you, Agatha. This has been a powerful conversation. Where can listeners connect with you?

Agatha Peters: You can find me at BeautifulSunshineTherapy.com and on Instagram. My book, Trapped in Their Script, is also available on Kindle.

Taryell Simmons: I will put all the links in the show notes. Thank you, Agatha, for sharing your light. To our listeners, remember that healing is a journey, not a destination. Until next time, love yourself and others.